A Study in Nightmares

When you’re awake
When you can see it all
Hear it all
Feel it all
When you’re awake
And the images are
Taking you for a spin
Dizzy again
Reeling from the pain
Trying to stay sane
Don’t give in
Don’t give in
Don’t give in
Torture
Screaming
The memories
The flashbacks
The knowledge 
Of the attack
The feeling
Of being out of whack
Broken
Like the time
When he broke you
Fingers
Toes
And all
A bloody little mess
Broken
Body
Mind
And soul
A sack of flesh
On the floor
Holding fragmented bones
What horrid sins
To have to atone
And you’re all alone
Beat your face in
After it heals
Do it again
And again
And again
Like when he tore your toes
Straight from your feet
With pliers
And dropped them in the bin
With your fingers
Screaming
Screaming
Screaming
Count back
From 1000
By sevens
And cling to those numbers
When you’re over encumbered
Because he’s not done with you
And it’s going to happen
Over
And over
And over
Then and now
When you’re asleep
When you’re awake
When you’re both
At the same time

Time to unwind
Go to sleep
Take your pills
Wish for death
Because he’s coming
He’s always coming
He’ll destroy you
Till there’s nothing left
You can’t survive
Even if you live
Because he’ll be there
When you’re asleep
When you’re awake
Just like he was then
When it was real
When you were his meal
And he was chopping you up
Just to eat you

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A Study in Remembrance

Remember me?
I’m the queen to be.
I’m the one who rules
And rocks your world.

Remember me?
I’m the king to be.
I’m the one
You’ll be kissing,
Listening to my moans
And groans.

Remember me?
I’m that tight little bitch.
I’m that loose-lipped snitch.
Better catch me,
Or I’ll ding-dong-ditch.

Remember me?
You couldn’t possibly forget
The way I make your dick wet.

A Study in Lust

Feel me
Take me
Choke me
Squeeze me

Fill me
Tease me
Please me
Appease me

I am your toy
Your little boy
Or your little girl
Take me for a twirl

Spin me round
And round
Like a merry
Go round

Orbiting you
Like a god
Put me on the nod
Stick me with your rod

Tear me apart
Rip out my heart
Make me bleed
Take the lead

Tie me up
Hold me down
Lift me up
And make me frown

All of these things
I want
Don’t let it be
For naught

I’ll wrap around you
Wet like the dew
Of the mourning come
I know you want some

You won’t regret
Making me wet
I swear
I’ll be fair

The fairest of them all
No one can make me fall
But you
So give me a call

Give me a ring
Make me sing
Stroke my wings
And make me fly

You smile so sly
I love the way you lie
This love or lust
Never will it die

A Study in Torture

Shhchap!
Ziiiiiiip!
Mmmmph!

The sound of
Being strapped
In tight
For the time –
No the millionth time –
Of my life
Here in Hell,
Here in the suicide trees,
Here in the chamber –
The pit of my demise.

My body is laid down
Like a slab of rotting meat
On a cold, flat table,
Facing upwards
To a wiped clean mirror,
My eyelids cut off
And bleeding red, thick tears,
To force me to watch
As I am
Ready
To be dissected further,
Splayed apart,
My skin held down
To the table with nails
To make my insides
Vulnerable
And visible
For all to see
Inside,
Where my demons hide.

Ready to be
Filleted,
Cooked –
Ready to be eaten,
Consumed,
And reborn,
Just to do it all
Again
And again
And again
And again
And over
And over
And over,
And will it ever
End?

No.

I am strapped in
To my fate,
Never to escape,
The bloodied, leather binds
That bind me here
To satiate
The ferocity
In my captors –
The ones here
To punish and transform me
For my treacherous
Crimes against demonic law.

I cannot move.
All I can do is feel
And feel excessively.
All the pain is amplified
By the fact
That each death I own
Is prolonged
Until I am begging for it –
Begging for a few minutes
Of sweet reprieve
From the carnage
Because yes,
I can die,
For a few silent moments,
But the thing is,
They bring me back
Every time
Just to do it all
Again
And again
And again
And again
And over
And over
And over,
And will it ever
End?

No.

Fasten zip ties
To every part of my body,
On each limb,
To cancel out the lies
From my psychotic mind
For as each tie is fastened
And tightened
Slowly,
Until I am split
Into little fragments,
I am gradually,
Nonchalantly,
Changed,
Fragmented,
In all sorts of ways
So that – well –

I will never be the same.

Once broken down
Like an ancient urn of ashes,
You can never be quite
Put back together again
Or restored to previous glory.
Even if you can glue the pieces
Of the exquisite pottery
Back together,
You will never be able to
Find all the ashes
Spilled everywhere
On the crimson floor,
Dissolving in my own animosity,
To fill up that empty space
Created in my gut.

Spilled everywhere –
Once was I beauty
And seduction
To all that saw me,
And I could make
Anyone
Crave me,
Want me,
Need me,
With just a kiss
Or a touch
Or a sly smile
From the corners
Of my silver lips.

My silver tongue
Is even more threatening,
Like a song by a siren sung.
Incubus Zalaph.
I guess that’s why they
Mined me for my silver,
Taking it away from me
So that I can never shine again
Like the stars.

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered weak and weary,
Suddenly there came a tapping,
Like someone gently rapping,
Rapping on my chamber door.

It’s time for round four –
Or could it be more?
I stopped counting the seconds,
The minutes,
The hours,
The days,
The weeks,
The months,
The years,
For the fear
That Hope
Would be the thing with feathers
Perching in my abyss,
Fluttering its wings inside
To keep me going through this.
But I don’t want it there,
Making itself clear.
I’d rather keep it hidden,
Keep it safe and forbidden
From those that would
Harvest it right out of me,
Feathers, beak, and all.

Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

I tried to make it stop,
But it couldn’t be bought
To silence its lovely tunes
Of promised freedom
And love regained.
I tried to keep it tamed,
But it would not be silent,
Nor would it stop its thrashing,
And fearful was I
That it would be discovered,
But it never stops at all.

No.
No, it never stopped at all.